For Ksh 8,000 that shoe better...

Because her birthday was coming up, she had to get those shoes. I knew nothing about it. Just as well, because they were quite expensive... damn expensive. So she bought em, and stored them in those corners of the wardrobe that we (men) cannot see. I have wardrobe-blindness; the shoe was red and I didn't see it, ever!

Birthday comes and the shoes are unleashed. Some shoe modelling is done around me and I am being asked to give a (positive) opinion about how they look. I said something safe like:

"I have never seen anything like them".

She was pretty excited and we talked about the shoe for a while. It was red, with effects... effects like that dirty jeans look that was catchy recently. I didn't know what to think. I am lost when it comes to women's shoes and style in general. Then I asked the question...

"How much did it cost?". Woi!!!

I was told that it was a self-birthday gift so cost wasnt the issue, etc., etc. y'know all that vibe about special day, once a year, bla bla bla. After this 20 minute explanation, I asked again bluntly,

"How much??"

She said, "Eight (cringe!) thousand"

I jumped! "Zim dollars? Tanzania Shillings???"

No dear reader, it was Kenya Shillings. Now, I know that shoes can even be 10K and I am a Nairobi cat born in Eastlands and growing up in Westlands so I know where to get Ksh 250 shoes to Ksh 8,000 ones. But in Kenya, Ksh 8,000 shoes and on the super high end. In fact, its almost illegal. For me, who has never bought shoes above like Ksh 1,500, its was quite criminal. But she is the wife, and it was her money, her birthday, insert the 20-minute-once-a-year-spoil-herself story here. Tsk!

Four months later and we are going out in style. I am in my Ksh 1,500 shoes bought in 2005 (3 years ago) and worn about 4 times a week feeling fresh sana. She is in her birthday shoe, yeah that Ksh (cringe!) 8,000 one, and... its the first time she is wearing to a place, ever. Now, again, I have my gisty and shady moments but.. I never buy anything and not wear the next day!! In fact I have lots of times bought shoes and clothes that I wear right from the shop! Anyway, its the wife, and she is going out in style.

We decide to get something to eat first at a local mall. We step out of the car and I notice she is walking slower than usual. I ask whats up and I am told:

"You are walking too fast, I have to get used to this new heel."

I snap back: "For Ksh 8,000 that shoe should be easy to .. ermm.. use."

She's like: "I cant walk too fast. You don't want me to fall over, do you?"

Me: "For Ksh 8,000 that shoe better have like a freaking air bag or something. Some shit like a rubber dinghy that pops out and breaks your fall when you lose balance!"

Wife: "Thats just harsh!"

Me: "Ksh 8,000 is harsh!"

We ate, walked (slowly) to car and hit the clubs! At some point in the night she says:

"You know, walking around and dancing is hard and painful in this heel, I need to rest my feet."

I went nuts! "For Ksh 8,000 those shoes better have a adjustable mode that turns em into a rubber shoe, a slipper or something soft like ngomas! How the hell do you spend colossal amounts of money on a shoe that you rarely wear, and when you do, it almost kills you!?"

Of course I was exaggerating; but I had a point somewhere, at least to myself and perhaps to the men who read this. To the ladies, well, all I can say is; its your Ksh 8,000 and your pain, keep it that way; we (the men) don't have to suffer for it. No foot-rubs tonight! For Ksh 8,000 that shoe better...

Thats all folks... Do you feel me?